smashfic ultimate

Chapter 2 - Fallen Angel

"This is Snake. We've successfully infiltrated the castle."

Solid Snake looks back to me as he waits for Otakon to respond. I give him a thumbs up to show that I'm doing alright and we continue moving forward.

"Great work, Snake!" Otakon chimes back through the codec channel. "Did you have much trouble getting in?"

"Not really. I had to CQC a couple of skeletons before we found an opening into the ventilation system but now we're crawling through the ducts. Are we getting close to the target?"

As Snake talks to Otakon, I take a moment to appreciate his immaculately sculpted rear. It's truly awe inspiring to be so up close and personal with it as we continue to crawl forward.

"Sorry...did you say 'ventilation system'?" Otakon says with some disbelief in his voice. "Snake...I don't think Dracula's castle has a ventilation system."

"Are you looking at an up-to-date map?" Snake scoffs.

Snake's skin-tight sneaking suit keeps him almost dead silent as he moves. It allows him to sneak right up behind his enemies and take them out without ever taking notice. Quiet as he may be to the foes at his front, however, there are few things louder than catching a glimpse of Snake's behind.

"Well, this one is from GameFAQs and last updated in 2000...but my intel tells me that this is the Symphony of the Night era castle so I wouldn't expect many deviations from the original blueprints."

"Well, we're definitely inside an air vent, so..."

Much like a real snake, Snake's rhythmic side-to-side movement is mesmerizing. Unlike a real snake, however, he's got a butt that just won't quit.

"A lot of games are getting ground-up remasters these days, Snake. I wonder if the castle was updated to have vents so it would better appeal to an audience of gamers who are used to being able to sneak around in vents in modern games? I prefer my classics untouched, however..."

"Focus, Otakon. Are we near the target yet?" Goddamn, that ass is fine.

"Wait! Stop crawling, Snake, it's gonna-"

Before Otakon can complete his warning, there's a loud creak, followed by the unfortunate loss of Snake's perfect behind from my gaze as the shaft gives out under his weight and he drops from the ceiling. I shuffle to the edge of the open shaft to make sure he's alright.

"Oh no," I whisper to myself (and Otakon, via our group codec call). "Snake has fallen into Pit!" "What?!" Otakon yells, "Snake has fallen into a pit?? No...Snake.....SNAKE.....SNAAAAAA-" "Calm the hell down, Otakon" Snake grunts, interrupting Otakon's weird mourning process. "I didn't fall into A pit, I fell into The Pit."

Snake picks himself off the ground and dusts himself off. Cartoonishly flattened facedown on the floor beneath him is none other than the flightless angel, Pit. I drop deftly from the ventilation shaft (doing a really sweet backflip midway through my descent) and land at Snake's side. We appear to have landed in some ornate hallway in the depths of Dracula's castle, surrounded by creepy old paintings and ancient, dusty furniture. Snake and I each peel one of Pit's flattened legs off the floor and pull until he finally pops back into 3D space. He floats for a moment before we finally let go of his legs and he drops back to the floor. The impact seems to quickly restore his consciousness.

"Ouch! My head! And the rest of my body, too!" the young boy screams as he rolls over, reaching for his bow and arrow. "Don't think I'll let you demons get the jump on me!"

Snake picks up the bow before Pit can grab it. Pit looks up at Snake, angry at first, then relieved that he's in the company of friends, then angry again when Snake suddenly tosses the bow up on top of a nearby armoire and continues walking.

"Hey!" Pit yells as he picks himself off the floor and runs to the armoire, "Jerk move! I thought we were friends!"

"There are no friends on the battlefield, kid. Only allies and enemies. Also, I couldn't remember if you were the evil one or if that was Dark Pit. Better safe than sorry." Snake peeks down the length of the hallway, assessing potential threats.

"Come on! His name is literally DARK Pit! He's obviously the evil one!" the short (and once again, flightless) angel barks as he hops up and down in front of the armoire, reaching desperately for his bow. "What are you guys doing here, anyway?"

Both Snake and I look down at the floor, solemnly. After a moment of silence, I speak: "Didn't you hear the news, Pit? Luigi is....no longer with us."

Pit stops jumping for a moment and stares blankly at me as he tries to process this information. "What...but Luigi....he's a gamer. He can't NOT have a life, he has many! We all do!"

I put a hand on his shoulder. "True, my friend, but the big Game Over comes for us all eventually. I heard it straight from Mario...apparently Luigi was struck down by Death himself."

Wiping away the tears beginning to well in his eyes, Pit's expression turns to one of conviction. "Alright then! So our mission is to take down Death! Just let me get my bow down and I'll join you in avenging Luigi's death!"

Snake, completely ignoring Pit, returns to his codec call. "Otakon, the shaft broke so we're on foot now. No enemies in sight yet. Let me know when you have a lock on our target."

Unaware that Snake is talking to someone else, Pit responds: "Oh, so that's where you guys fell from! No wonder it broke, Dracula probably had his demon lackeys install it...such a bad idea! You should always hire a licensed professional. One time, Lady Palutena asked me to paint a fence for her and I got bored, so I hired a Monoeye to finish it for me. It did a lousy job! Never even picked up a paint brush, just floated there for hours watching paint dry! These demons, I tell ya..."

Totally ignoring Pit's rant, Snake had already begun moving deeper into the castle.

"Come on, Pit, we're falling behind!" I say as I kick the armoire, knocking the bow down and running after Snake. It bounces off his head before he catches it and starts following in a huff.

"Snake, I'm detecting a number of large heat signatures behind that door!"

I catch up to Snake and turn to the door Otakon seemed to be referencing. A sign clearly labeled "SUPPLY CLOSET - CLEANING STAFF ONLY" hangs from the center of the door. Snake stares blankly.

"Okay, well....we'll just avoid that room, I guess. This is a sneaking mission after all. No need for extraneous encounters."

Pit skids to a halt behind us; his breathing labored from all the running he just had to do. It really is a shame he can't fly on his own free will. As Snake and I step aside to give him some space, he looks up to see the supply closet door we were pondering a moment ago.

"Is this Dracula's room?? Finally! Let's go kick his butt!"

Snake's eyes widen as he realizes what's about to happen. "Wait, kid, can't you read the sign??"

Pit looks up to Snake and smiles before yelling, almost as a sort of battlecry: "I never learned how to read!"

Both Snake and I look on in horror as Pit body slams the door and rolls into the supply closet, ready to take on the unknown forces within.

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